A Formal Apology to Steve Joyce

Dear Steve Joyce,

I owe you a formal apology.  I judged you too harshly  after your appearance on Undercover Boss.  Last week you actually came through for me.  Let me explain.

It was a Tuesday evening when I found myself hungry and exhausted after a full day of driving with my dog.  I was halfway through my move from Dallas to Minneapolis and I hit my driving limit.  I was in the middle of nowhere and needed an economical place to stay – one that would take me AND my dog.  The search engine on my phone directed me to Econolodge, one of your concepts.

I was hesitant at first, Mr. Joyce.  However, I thought back to the Choice Hotels episode of Undercover Boss and I remembered that you really seemed to care about giving your guests a nice, comfortable place to stay.  I figured I owed you another chance.  And I was delirious from sleep deprivation.  I checked in.

The moment I stepped into room 113 of the Econolodge in Kearney, MO I realized I was in a first rate establishment.  The first thing I noticed was the unique location of the smoke detector.  I have been in hotels in which the smoke detectors have gone off, waking me from my slumber.  It was awful! All I wanted to do was sleep!  Thank you for making certain that in the event of a fire my deep sleep would not be disturbed.

The vanity area made me feel like I was in the dressing room of a Hollywood star.  It was lavish, well-lit, and very upscale.

In the bathroom, I noticed another of your safety features.  The typical white surface on the bottom of the tub can be VERY slippery.  Thank you for allowing it to wear away over time and not replacing it.  The hair left by previous guests provided additional traction.

The nightstand let me know how environmentally friendly your hotel is.  Why waste cleaning solution, or even water for that matter, on such an unimportant surface??

Mr. Joyce, the best part of staying in your hotel was the unique decoration.  I think we’re all tired of typical hotel decor.  You know, the floral wallpaper, old-fashioned bed spread, the boring prints of a non-descript landscape….  Thank you for spicing it up.

I must admit, poop on the walls is a pretty progressive approach to interior design, but I think it really worked in this room.  Great idea!

In conclusion, Mr. Joyce, please accept my deepest and most sincere apology for my unkind words.  My stay at your lovely hotel absolutely changed my mind.  Next time I am in Kearney I will be sure to stay again!

Your biggest fan,
Me

No Soup for You!

It was a rough week.  Work was hard, I was super tired and I am just so glad it’s Friday.  I got home from work today, plopped down on the couch and flipped the TV to my favorite channel for mindless viewing: the Cooking Channel.  You can imagine my surprise when I tuned in to channel 456 and instead of the Cooking Channel I was watching some lame Helen Hunt movie.  Thinking they must have reprogramed things, I turned to the search function.  I searched for Chuck’s Day Off, my favorite food show.  Nothing.  NOWHERE.  In a panic, I Googled it.  I typed in “Cooking Channel” and with a sinking feeling I clicked the “search” button.  There was the headline I didn’t want to see.  AT&T U-verse had cut HGTV, Food Network and Cooking Channel.
How could this happen?? Thanksgiving is coming up AND I still haven’t decided on a menu for the baby shower I’m hosting on Sunday.  I need inspiration from celebrity chefs!  YES I know I can refer to my cookbooks, magazines or take a cooking class, but it’s just not the same.  I like having someone chopping, sautéing, braising or frying in the background while I’m writing, doing the dishes or even while I’m preparing a meal.  It has become a habit.  And it has come to an abrupt end.  I now have to say my farewells.

Rachael, I’ll miss your cute kitchen and the way everything you cook is totally bad for you.

So long Giada.  I think you’re boring when you’re baking, but your Italian Cuisine is wonderful.  And you’re completely adorable.

And Chuck… What can I say?  I’ll miss you the most.  I’ll miss your weird French Canadian accent, your food tattoos and your appreciation for the freshest ingredients.  You will no longer be on my DVR, you won’t be there to try to make me like seafood, and I’ll never again happily watch you cook for your friends and family.

Disappointed?  What an understatement.  I have an empty space in my heart.  I hope all the food blogs out there are ready for me because here I come….

Choice, Joyce, Schmoyce

Have you ever watched the show Undercover Boss?  I try to tune in on Sunday nights to watch – it’s usually pretty entertaining.  The show is in its second season now and the basic premise is this: a CEO or other top executive of a large company goes incognito to work in front line positions in their organization.  They realize that the workers are actual humans who are struggling along, making low wages, and trying to support their families.  After working in disguise, side-by-side with these people for a week, the exec summons the workers to the corporate office, discloses his (yes I said HIS: there’s only been one female exec so far and I’m impatiently waiting for more) true identity, and gives the workers a gift of some sort.  When the show is over the audience is left feeling hopeful: the faceless CEOs of the world are getting a glimpse of what real life is like, and they’re making positive, employee-centric changes in their companies as a result of their experiences.

I awoke this morning to a dreary, rainy Saturday.  It was a perfect morning to stay in bed and catch up on shows I’d missed over the past couple of weeks.  First in the line-up: Undercover Boss.  I was ready to have my corporate America soul fed.

Upon pressing “Play” I was introduced to Mr. Joyce, the out-of-shape, painfully pock-faced CEO of Choice Hotels.  In an attempt to humanize this gentleman, we heard stories about how his mother was a great caregiver within the neighborhood, looking out for underprivileged young mothers who had been turned out of their own families.

Mr. Joyce shaved his mustache, dyed his hair, and hit the road in a vehicle MUCH below his personal standards to charade as an underling.  First up: a position as a maintenance worker in the world’s largest EconoLodge, trained by a gentleman named Ricardo.  Ricardo has been working two full-time jobs, seven days a week for 6 years in order to put his child through medical school.  Over the course of his week Mr. Joyce is also paired with Christina, a housekeeping manager who aspires to be a GM in order to provide a better living for her family; John, a director of sales who is told “no” a hundred times for every “yes” he gets; and Brandalyn, a front desk clerk who had her first child at 16 and was promptly kicked out of her house.  Brandalyn struggled through life, occasionally sleeping in her car with her young son, and eventually landed the position of overnight front desk clerk.  After his tour with Brandalyn, Mr. Joyce tearfully tells the camera that his mother would have taken Brandalyn in, and that he hopes his mother is proud of him for giving employees like her a chance.

The week of make-believe is over, and Mr. Joyce summons the employees to his office.  After revealing his true identity (“Do you know who I am?  I’m Steve Joyce, president and CEO of Choice Hotels” EGO BOOST), he begins the obligatory giving of gifts.  To John, $5,000 for a new business suit, and a guaranteed position in Choice’s global sales force (Steve, we can call him Steve, says this means “big pay”).  For Christina, Choice is putting her through GM training (“serious change in your income”) and gets a week of paid vacation and an all-expenses-paid Disney Vacation for her and her family.  Brandalyn (who is “really an inspiration”) is told that Mr. Joyce will ask “the folks that work directly with [her] hotel” to help her get to that next spot that she wants PLUS she and her family will receive a trip to San Antonio to “kind of thank [her]”.  Last but not least, Ricardo is given a golf cart so he can be more productive, and a scholarship for his son’s medical school.

WHAT??!!  I’m sorry, but did I just hear that the men are getting $5,000 for a suit, a med school scholarship, and a guaranteed position in a “big pay” job, while the women get training (which the company already provides at no cost, mind you) and a vacation?  And the woman who really pulled at Mr. Joyce’s heartstrings gets a FABULOUS trip to San Antonio.  SAN ANTONIO???  The armpit of the Southern Plains?  ExCUSE me?

Now, I’m not saying that these workers should have necessarily been given anything.  They have jobs in a bad economy and they’re managing to make ends meet.  Here’s my beef: shouldn’t the women have been given equal rewards as the men?  Last I checked a year at a top-notch graduate school can run up to $40,000.  And a $5,000 suit plus “big pay” must equal a similar sum.  Free training and a vacation?  A vacation to SAN ANTONIO?  Really?….  And if the men were somehow more deserving of the large prizes, couldn’t Undercover Boss have shown that?  No, we’re not all going to mindlessly tune out and go for the warm, happy finale.

The show ended and I knew I was supposed to feel warm, fuzzy, and full of hope for my future in corporate America.  How did I feel?  PISSED OFF.  Clearly the glass ceiling is still firmly in place, and inevitably I’ll be hitting it in my future.  I mean, women are obviously less valuable than men in the workplace, and if you need a reminder just ask Mr. Joyce.