The Perfect Sandwich

Recently I have had the pleasure of eating the perfect sandwich.  This particular sandwich was not the creation of a gourmet chef, not on any trendy restaurant menu, and certainly not anything I’d ever heard of before.  My lovely roommate introduced me to it:  the perfect chicken sandwich.  This sandwich is sweet and salty, crunchy and chewy, a little bit spicy, and downright heavenly.  And there is NOTHING fancy about it.  If you are making this sandwich you are NOT about to eat a gourmet feast.  But you ARE about to rock your taste buds.  Here is a step-by-step guide:

 You will need the following ingredients PRIOR TO step 1:

• Rudy’s BBQ Sauce.  Not the Sissy Sauce.  The real stuff.

• Hellmann’s Mayonnaise.  The original and the best.

• Maldon Sea Salt Flakes.  Any substitutes will definitely create an inferior finished product.

If you do not currently have these things in your pantry, you should definitely purchase them.  Definitely.

Step 1:

On the way home from work, grab a loaf of Orowheat Oatnut Bread and a rotisserie chicken (I like to get mine from Tom Thumb – $4.99 with my discount card).

 

Step 2:

Get home, let the dogs out, get your sweatpants on, put your hair in a ponytail, pour a glass of chardonnay, take a sip, and wash your hands.  This step in and of itself will lead to good feelings.

 Step 3:

Carve your rotisserie chicken.  Slice each breast into 3 thick slices.  These will be used for your sandwiches (assuming you’re making two of them).  Do whatever you want with the dark meat.  I like to set mine aside for chicken soup (either later in the evening or the next day).

 Step 4:

Assemble your sandwiches.  Slather mayo on one side of the bread and pour your Rudy’s on the other side.  Lay 3 thick slices of chicken breast on the bread, sprinkle with the sea salt, put the sandwich together, and slice diagonally.

 Step 5:

Serve and enjoy.  This sandwich is not to be served on an actual plate.  It is best enjoyed on a napkin, eaten on the couch while watching Big Bang Theory, Medium, Weeds, or some other show not about food or dieting.

Nutritional Values:

1,000,000 Calories

1 Splash of Spicy BBQ

A dash of sweet bread

2 parts creamy mayonnaise

A pinch of crunchy, textured sea salt

 Culinary amazingness – without question.

Foodie on the Loose!!

According to Urban Dictionary, a foodie is: “A person that spends a keen amount of attention and energy on knowing the ingredients of food, the proper preparation of food, and finds great enjoyment in top-notch ingredients and exemplary preparation. A foodie is not necessarily a food snob, only enjoying delicacies and/or food items difficult to obtain and/or expensive foods; though, that is a variety of foodie.”

 Evidently I am a foodie and have been for a very long time, although this fact was only brought to my attention a couple of years ago.

My history as a foodie began at the moment of conception: you see, my parents met each other working in a restaurant.  I was destined for total food obsession.  When I was about five years old, I developed an intricate ranking system for the deliciousness of grilled cheese sandwiches.  Whenever my family would go out to eat I’d make sure to order the grilled cheese sandwich and evaluate its color, crispness, flavor and other factors.  Evidently this is not a normal pastime for a child.

In the summers of my “tween” years I would bake.  It started with cookies and brownies out of the box, but one day I found The Joy of Cooking and all bets were off.  I was making every variety of muffins I could (with the ingredients that were in the kitchen).

When I turned 16 I got a part time job at the grocery store.  I quickly became obsessed with produce.  Not only was it a fun challenge to memorize as many produce codes as possible (I will NEVER forget that 4011 is a banana and 4023 are red grapes), I loved seeing the exotic fruits and vegetables to which I’d never been exposed, and noticing which ones were typically purchased together.

Then it got serious: at 18 I got a job working in a restaurant.  Sure I was just a host, but soon I began waiting tables, and eventually I became a supervisor.  I was in FOOD HEAVEN!  Not only was I completely surrounded by food, but I was also surrounded by other people who had the same sick and twisted love for food as I did.  So the food obsession I was experiencing seemed completely normal.  ALL of my close friends worked at that same restaurant with me, so when we got done with work what did we do?  We went out to eat of course!  We drank great wine, ate great meals, had great conversation, and always topped it off with dessert… and coffee (or port, a cordial, espresso, a chocolate martini, or some combination of the above).

At some point I decided that since I’d completed college I should get a “real job”.  Since then, I have NEVER found the satisfaction at work as I did working in the restaurant industry.  And furthermore, people think I am totally crazy because of how much I love food.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to explain why I’d rather have a nice dinner out rather than buy a new pair of designer jeans.  I have recurring dreams about working in a restaurant: I still remember the table numbers, the menu items and ingredients, the cocktail recipes, and exactly how much our restaurant did in sales on an above-average Saturday night.  I can’t wait to get home from work so I can chop, mince, pare, peel, sauté, braise, fry, or bake.  The prospect of planning a major meal absolutely THRILLS me.  Thinking about the menu for a huge dinner puts me totally over the edge.  I regularly use the word “foodgasm”.

So here I am: all grown up and still totally weird about food.  I love that my family and close friends share my intense love of cuisine.  There is safety in numbers.  Until we start to argue about who cooks what for Thanksgiving anyway…

Shower Leftovers

Today I co-hosted a baby shower.  We split up the tasks according to our areas of expertise, which basically meant my roommate and I came up with food and drinks, and our friend Marci was in charge of decorations.

I have been to a plethora of showers as I’m sure you have too.  I have a pretty prescribed definition of things that happen at a shower and what the shower should look like.  In my opinion it was lovely.  Here are some pictures.

Now here is the question: what on earth do I do with all these leftovers??!!  Evidently I served vegetables for a hundred hungry soldiers and only a dozen lovely ladies ladies snacked on them.  So I blanched and froze a bunch of carrots and cauliflower, I set aside a tray for a veggie pizza tomorrow night, but here’s what I have left:
Mushrooms
Pea Pods
A MILLION cherry tomatoes

Can someone please clue me in on what to do with the leftovers?  I can’t handle the thought of zillions of expensive veggies rotting in my fridge….

Thanks for any ideas you can provide.